Sunday, April 7, 2013

Negative Behavior Consumes You

By Pamela J. Wells
Talking bad about others does not make your life better.

Negative energy consumes you—negative thoughts, speech, action. When you find yourself doing negative things, such as condemning, making fun of, belittling, judging, and gossiping about others, this is a sign that you need to go within. The delusional mind falsely believes that if it can knock others down, beneath it, it will be more superior, worthy, special, that it will fill that emptiness that is inside. Feelings of inadequacy are the driving force behind this kind of behavior—not feeling good enough, worthy, accepted. Building up the ego becomes the goal; however, the ego is your imagination of your idea of who you think you are, which many times people believe is their status in society, their job title, their educational level, who they know, how much they know, and how well they can outwit or outsmart others. Ego = separation, so if your goal is to separate yourself from others, continue on with your negative behavior. The way you treat others is a reflection of the way that you feel about yourself. People who are kind, loving, and giving—who are selfless—are happy and filled with joy and peace. People who are suffering inside, miserable, and unhappy are like a wounded animal, their only way of interacting in the world is through their suffering by way of negative behavior projected outwards, always attacking others or defending themselves and their negative behavior—justifying it. Some may even feel guilt over it, but do not even know what they are doing or why they are doing it, which keeps the vicious cycle going. They cannot comprehend it and maybe they do not even try to. All they know is that they are miserable and unhappy.
“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them.” 
~ Dalai Lama

If negative behavior is directed towards you and you engage it, you respond to it with negative behavior, attacking or defending, you are adding to that negative energy and, ultimately, to a worse outcome. That negative energy attracts more negative energy and more misery and unhappiness into your life. It is better to stay grounded, positive, calm, and peaceful in the midst of another’s negative behavior. You will do more to improve the situation or at least not make it worse by staying grounded, positive, even neutral, not reacting, and in some cases, you may find you need to remove yourself from the situation to help sustain or return to your calm and peaceful state; especially, if you are new to handling negative situations in this way. 

Remember, you cannot control or change another person’s behavior. Once you accept that, you will then be able to focus on going within and sustaining your peace, your joy. If you are new to this, an easy way to stay peaceful or return to a peaceful state, when you find yourself getting stressed out, is by remembering to focus on your breath: breathe-in and breathe-out, relax naturally. Stay focused on your in-breath and your out-breath for however long you need to, until you return to your peaceful, calm state. When thoughts popup to distract you, keep returning to your in-breath and your out-breath. The more that you do this, the easier it becomes.  

Negative behavior can only consume you if you let it. By examining your thoughts on a regular basis and dropping the negative and destructive thoughts and beliefs and remaining calm when negativity is projected at you or near you, you will begin to change your life to a more peaceful and joyful one, and at the same time, you will also have a positive impact on others’ lives as well.  
Copyright © 2013 Pamela J. Wells. All Rights Reserved
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Feel free to add a comment, if there is anything that you would like to add or any experiences that you would care to share.