Monday, August 20, 2012

Attachment Is Not Love

By Pamela J. Wells

When you become attached to someone, you lose your Self in them, and—at the same time—they either lose themselves in you or they start to back away from you. Eventually, their free spirit will feel like it has become suffocated, because they will have that heavy feeling of attachment weighing them down, like an anchor. 

Appearances are also deceiving. They can both appear to be in love and affectionate towards one another, especially in the beginning of the relationship; but, ultimately, if there is any form of attachment, it always leads to heartache and suffering. Claiming ownership of another living being is futile. The same goes for placing expectations on others. Expectations are attachments to outcomes that are in your favor. Attachment and attempts towards trying to control another comes from fear—fear of the other leaving and/or being unfaithful to you. 

The more you try to control another, the more powerless and fearful you become, and if you are stronger than the other person and use it to control them physically, this is physical and psychological abuse. It does not work either, because you are attempting to secure the attachment through physical force. Holding on tightly and squeezing someone—like you would a dove—only kills it, kills them, psychologically—and, unfortunately, in some cases, physically. 

When you go into a relationship, never become attached, never place expectations on the other person, and never put a timetable on the relationship, expecting that it will last forever. The relationship will either last a lifetime or it won’t. No one knows for certain. Your joy does not come from another person. It comes from within. Expecting someone else to make you happy or to bring you joy always ends in heartache and suffering. Two joyful, joy-filled, people who come together, have a better chance of lasting than when one or both are fearful and insecure.

Enjoy each moment, each day, regardless of whether you are with someone or not. The more joyful and peaceful you are when you are alone, the more joyful and peaceful your relationships will be.

Copyright © 2012 Pamela J. Wells. All Rights Reserved
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Feel free to add a comment, if there is anything that you would like to add or any experiences that you would care to share.

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