Negative Behavior Consumes You

By Pamela J. Wells
Talking bad about others does not make your life better.

Negative energy consumes you—negative thoughts, speech, action. When you find yourself justifying what you do, the negative things that you do, such as condemn, make fun of, belittle, judge, and gossip about others, this is just you justifying your right to be miserable and your right to project that misery onto others. The delusional mind falsely believes that if it can knock others down, beneath it, it will be more superior, worthy, special, that it will fill that emptiness that is inside. Feelings of inadequacy are the driving force behind this kind of behavior—not feeling good enough, worthy, accepted. Building up the ego becomes the goal; however, the ego is your imagination of your idea of who you think you are, which many times people believe is their status in society, their job title, their educational level, who they know, how much they know, and how well they can outwit or outsmart others. Ego = separation, so if your goal is to separate yourself from others, continue on with your negative behavior. The way you treat others is a reflection of the way that you feel about yourself. People who are kind, loving, and giving—who are selfless—are happy and filled with joy and peace. People who are suffering inside, miserable, and unhappy are like a wounded animal, their only way of interacting in the world is through their suffering by way of negative behavior projected outwards, always attacking others or defending themselves and their negative behavior—justifying it. Some may even feel guilt over it, but do not even know what they are doing or why they are doing it, which keeps the vicious cycle going. They cannot comprehend it and maybe they do not even try to. All they know is that they are miserable and unhappy.
“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them.” 

~ Dalai Lama
If negative behavior is directed towards you and you engage it, you respond to it with negative behavior, attacking or defending, you are adding to that negative energy and, ultimately, to a worse outcome. That negative energy attracts more negative energy and more misery and unhappiness into your life. It is better to stay grounded, positive, calm, and peaceful in the midst of another’s negative behavior. You will do more to improve the situation or at least not make it worse by staying grounded, positive, even neutral, not reacting, and in some cases, you may find you need to remove yourself from the situation to help sustain or return to your calm and peaceful state; especially, if you are new to handling negative situations in this way. Remember, you cannot control or change another person’s behavior. Once you accept that, you will then be able to focus on going within and sustaining your peace, your joy. If you are new to this, an easy way to stay peaceful or return to a peaceful state, when you find yourself getting stressed out, is by remembering to focus on your breath: breathe-in and breathe-out, relax naturally. Stay focused on your in-breath and your out-breath for however long you need to, until you return to your peaceful, calm state. When thoughts popup to distract you, keep returning to your in-breath and your out-breath. The more that you do this, the easier it becomes.  
Negative behavior can only consume you if you let it. By examining your thoughts on a regular basis and dropping the negative and destructive thoughts and beliefs and remaining calm when negativity is projected at you or near you, you will begin to change your life to a more peaceful and joyful one, and at the same time, you will also have a positive impact on others’ lives as well.  
Copyright © 2013 Pamela J. Wells. All Rights Reserved Image licensed under Bigstockphoto.com
Feel free to add a comment, if there is anything that you would like to add or any experiences that you would care to share.

Peace Quote

You cannot think your way to peace. You need only to silence your mind.
~ Pamela J. Wells

Image Source: Walking On The Beach by Vera Kratochvil on publicdomainpictures.net

Olivia’s Healing Letters To A Girl Who Was Being Bullied

By Pamela J. Wells

Originally Published on 7-6-11 on Inspiring Stories That Touch The Heart

Olivia Gardner and her mother, Kathleen Gardner.

While in the 6th grade at Sinaloa Middle School in Novato, Olivia Gardner suffered an epileptic seizure in school one day. Upon seeing this, her classmates called her retard. From that day forward Olivia would suffer endless bullying from her classmates over a two year period and three different schools.

She was called names and was tormented while she walked in the hallways at school. When Olivia transferred to Hill Middle School, the bullying escalated with students going out of their way to torment her. They even created a web site on MySpace entitled “Olivia Haters.”

Olivia then transferred to a private school in Novato, Marin Christian Academy, and had been going well for close to a year; and then, Olivia and her mother, Kathleen Gardner, reached out to help one of Olivia’s classmates who told them that her parents were abusing her. An investigation was started by child protective services and then word got out about Olivia’s family being involved in reporting it.

Allegedly, the girl had changed her story, telling her classmates that Olivia was trying to break-up her family. That is when the rumors began to spread. Olivia began receiving numerous emails and phone calls with some students even showing their hatred for her by wearing plastic bracelets that said, “I Hate Olivia,” on them.

Olivia felt rejected by her peers wherever she went, no matter where she lived or what school she was in. She withdrew more and more with each incident. The cafeteria lady started letting her eat her lunch behind the counter and she would hide between classes in bathroom stalls, because she would get beat-up. She started having anxiety attacks. Her mother went to school officials, the children’s parents, and even the authorities, but got no help. Many of the parents of the bullies told her mother that, “they didn’t have time for it”; that “it was just typical middle school behavior.” No one seemed to care.

Her mother pulled her out of private school and started homeschooling her. Olivia contemplated committing suicide to end the pain and suffering that became the norm in her life. Fortunately, those thoughts and feeling all changed when in March 2007, complete strangers and sisters, Sarah (14 years old) and Emily Buder (17 years old), read her story in a local newspaper. The sisters felt the pain that she was going through and, feeling compassion for Olivia, they decided to take action.

Olivia Gardner (right), Sarah (center) and Emily Buder (left)
at the San Rafael Community Center. Chronicle photo by
Brant Ward. Credit: Brant Ward

They came up with “Olivia’s Letters,” a letter writing campaign in which they encouraged their peers to take a moment of their time to write letters to Olivia offering their support. They expressed their messages for hope, healing, and understanding; inspiring her and letting her “know that she was not alone and that she had reason to believe in herself again.” All letters were screened by the sisters before giving them to Olivia.

Olivia’s P.O. box began to overflow with letters from thousands of others from around the world offering their heartfelt support and encouragement; including others, from children to adults, who had experienced bullying firsthand. She found solace in those letters of hope and healing.

An expert and an author on issues that adolescents are affected by, Rosalind Wiseman, said that parents are not always aware that their child is being bullied and that children will not always confide in them when this is happening. Her advice is that the warning signs that parents need to watch for are: isolation, losing friends, the avoidance of social situations, changes in appetite, and making excuses in order “to avoid going to school.”

She also said that parents should have open conversations with their children about the way that other people treat them; that they should always feel safe and never feel threatened by or uncomfortable around anyone.

Olivia now says that, “there are a hundred good people out there for every bad person.”

If you would like to show your support for Olivia, you can write to her at:

Olivia’s Letters
c/o Janet Buder
293 Corte Madera Ave.
Mill Valley, California 94941

Copyright © 2011-2013 Pamela J. Wells. All Rights Reserved

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.